Monday, 22 February 2016

Ten familiar signs your time of the month is on its way


Periods and PMS, they're not regularly talked about in general conversation but as women, we all have them and unfortunately, they can't be avoided without some kind of doctors visit or a blockage on mother nature. BUT, why shouldn't we be able to involve the subject in general natter? I know I'm not squeamish and sheepish when the topic is brought up. In fact, I'd like to think I'm familiar with my body, so much so that I know the ins and outs of when that dreaded 'time of the month' is creeping upon me. If I forget to keep track of the cycle dates in the diary, it doesn't make any difference; all I know is when I'm abnormally hungry and start to get that annoying over-eye headache, the time is near. Which leads me on to today's post (which should have been posted yesterday but lazy old me didn't have the motivation to type away) and the signs you personally have or can relate to - because bringing humour into a cramp and flood infested environment makes it seem that little more light-hearted. 

1) Crying at everything | this goes without saying, you know your period is about to grace you with its presence when you burst into tears about a loved up old couple you saw last week, the end of a movie you've seen a million times, or something less upsetting but totally pms-sad like not being able to unscrew a bottle (see Helen's hilarious post for more).

2) Getting annoyed at the slightest flicker | without a doubt, agitation levels increase to a peak both before, during and even after my period. Often enough, I can't distinguish between my regular hatred and the over-agitated pre menstrual feeling but when I start building a fiery energy because someone is breathing, eating, asking a question, singing, doing absolutely nothing - I know my period is making its way down. And if anyone dares to even ask if I'm on/due on my period, hulk mode will be activated. 

3) More mood changes | and this can range from minor to seriously extreme. I am the queen of everything, I want to kill the entire human race, my sexual desires seem to be out of control, I'm missing that person I made eye contact with on public transport, I'm going to listen to Adele on repeat until I'm curled up in a ball. Sound familiar? Yeah, me too.

4) Body parts start to show signs |  that bikini body you've worked so hard towards achieving? Yeah, that's gonna be invisible for the next week or so. My hips always seem to treble in size (not like they're not big enough already), my belly expands to what can be compared to the beginning of pregnancy, and I can tell my period is coming judging by walking down the stairs with no bra on. Sore boobs, weak, jelly-like legs, general aches and pains worsened - ah, isn't it great being a lady.

5) It's spots galore | if you're lucky enough to not suffer with bad breakouts or acne, you'll at least get a taste of it when you period is approaching. Whether it's an inside the skin chin pimple meets boil that could probably be seen from Mars, or a full on awful cluster of red zits plastered across the forehead that are far past any skincare treatment saviour- it's never pleasant.

6)  Cravings for foods | I'm not talking about small nibbles, I'm talking eating out of the Nutella jar until you're near sick binges. The weirdest of cravings happen to pounce on me without warning, of course my sweet tooth near enough takes over my life, but I can start pleading for pickled onions days down the line. I don't even think there is a limit to eating on the road to your period; my stomach has the inability to be full and all thoughts of a diet go out of the window. Once you start eating, you just can't stop.

7) Searching round the kitchen | following on from the above, it's easy to tell when your period is going to make an entrance when the kitchen empties quicker than you can keep track, and you're rooting through the cupboards to find the slightest bit of sugar or naughtiness. Is that half a packet of mini eggs I see?!

8) Tiredness becomes more than a feeling | and I mean ten times more than normal; falling asleep wherever you go, eyes dropping during a heightened event, feeling exhausted after a trip to the supermarket. Yeah, unfortunately it's probably your bodies reaction to that unfertilised egg readying it's attack. Like what a newborn child would bring, really. So you never escape it, after all!

9) Laziness kicks in | when all you want to do is binge watch on Netflix surrounded by fluffy pillows and your cat, mope around and complain about being a girl whilst dealing with the rest of the symptoms, you can almost watch the signs hit you one by one.

10) You start to warn everyone in the household -  experienced even just a fraction of the above? It's now time to start preparing for a week of gloom. Tell your nearest and dearest to be nice at all times, bring your bedraggled knickers to the front of the drawer, put the white towels away, stock up on cleaning utensils and chocolate, and let those uterus contractions begin.

It isn't just the actual period you have to deal with, it's all that comes torturing you before - those 'ah' moments when wanting to burn the house down has a reasoning and the rest of your irregular uneasiness makes sense. Oh, isn't it so hard to be positive when you're bleeding from your vagina? Hormonal, me? Don't be silly.

Are you as pre-periody as I can be? Hope you got a lol out of what can be a daunting Monday (and even worse when your period is due...)

Bridie x
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